Well I have been absent for a few weeks…. I have let life take over once again, and fell behind in my bible study of Stressed Less Living by Tracie Miles. I miss my OBS ladies! But I’m back and re-committed in Chapter 8, Addicted to Adrenaline.
I have never really thought of myself as addicted to adrenaline. Yes, I am quite busy working full time, trying to raise a 15 year-old and help a special needs 19-year old in our blended family, spend time with my husband, do bible studies, help out at church, and the list goes on….
But adrenaline? I guess I never thought about it that way, but I sure do tend to feel overwhelmed a lot — whether it be worry about our finances, teenager drama/grades, falling behind on the housework…. that’s when things tend to spiral out of control for me. I think about all of it and let it overwhelm me. I suddenly feel like I am solely responsible for the academic success of the 15 year-old, finding a job for the 19 year-old, getting ALL the housework done, etc. And when I can’t change things, I get frustrated, and depressed, and feel like a failure.
Chapter 8 reviewed 4 types of stress addiction, and this was difficult and eye-opening for me. I easily saw myself as the “accomplisher”, trying to check things off a mental to-do list. But the one that kind of “snuck up” on me was the “dramatist”. I realize that I am probably more in that category than I care to admit. I have suffered from low self-esteem my entire life. It is that “giant” in my life that I have yet to tackle, even though I have looked at it many times, including with counselors. I’m not sure if my low self-esteem causes me to search for any type of attention, good or bad, but when I get overwhelmed I tend to “dump” on whoever will listen. I’m always looking for someone to tell me that everything is okay, and that I really am a good person. Because I really don’t believe it myself.
Wow that was hard to write. I am in need of rescuing by our only Rescuer, the Lord Jesus Christ. I was encouraged when I read that “God is not only capable of rescuing us from physical harm but also from emotional and mental harm, as well.” (p. 168).
Psalm 139:7 says, “Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will receive me; You will stretch out Your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and Your right hand will save me.” I love the picture that creates…
I find myself at a crossroads. It is time to get rid of this heavy burden I’m carrying — this negative, gray cloud over my head. The addiction to stressful overwhelming feelings and dumping all over anyone who will listen….
Lord, please please forgive me for my stress addiction, my “dramatist” attitude. I lay it at Your feet. Help me to see myself as YOU see me, and to always seek YOU first. Help me to take one day at a time, be obedient to You and follow Your guidance. YOU and ONLY YOU can bring me peace, and right now I am going “all in” for You.
Thank you Jesus. In Your Holy Name I pray, Amen…